Copyright 2000 --- Robert Baer Jr. Amos Doggie & Hannah -- "Cajun Cooking" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Amos Doggie and Hannah are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright 1999. Misty Maddog is a creation of Bart Walls. Catman is a creation of JB Catman. Jazz is a creation of Dylan Rinald. This is a purely FICTIONAL story, any resemblance to 'real life' characters or situations is purely concidental. Amos Doggie & Hannah -- "Cajun Cooking" A black minivan with the Road Rover logo painted on each side pulls up towards the front gate of a television studio parking lot. After checking the driver's credentials, the gate is lifted and the van drives through. Stopping at a designated parking place, the van doors open. It's Jazz, Misty, Amos Doggie, Hannah and Catman who step out of the van and walk towards the large building in front of them. HANNAH (happy): This is SO exciting! Imagine, MY husband on a nationally syndicated cooking show! AMOS (shocked): Whoa, be waitn' a minute! No one tell Amos about the sinnin' part! MISTY (laughs): No no Uncle Amos. Syndicated means the program will be seen all around the nation! JAZZ (nods): That's right! This is a Road Rover first! That's why I'm here to report on it for the others back at mission control! MISTY (sadly): And I thought you was here to spend time with me... JAZZ (smiles): That too! That's what I call a fringe benefit! With that, Jazz kisses Misty. CATMAN (looks around): I sure that one for inviting me to attend the taping with you, Mrs Doggie! I heard that the 'Ragin' Cajun' cooking show is quite popular! HANNAH (smiles): Please Catman, call me Hannah, and I'm glad you could come! I know you're a fan of my husband's cooking! AMOS (nods): Dat be so true! Amos watch Catman have seven bowls of crawdad bisque last time he be over at duh house! CATMAN (smiles): I must admit, you do have a certain style of preparing it! MISTY (excited): This is gonna be SO COOL!!! We get to watch a real TV program being taped! WOW!! JAZZ (giggles): Misty, down girl, down! (smiles): You are so excitable! Maybe that's why I love you so much! HANNAH (reading a piece of paper): This letter says we have to report to studio 8 C at 9 o'clock! We better hurry, don't want to be late! As the five walk inside the studio, Amos is truly overwhelmed by all that he sees. AMOS (points): Lookie lookie! Dem big ol' fancy guns day got pointin' dem all around! Must be one of dem thar huntin' shows! CATMAN (shakes head): No Amos, those are television cameras. They will be used to tape your show! AMOS (points up): Lookie at all dem funny lookin pinecones on metal rods! Day look not like real pinecones, bet they be tastin' aweful too! JAZZ (shocked): Amos? YOU eat pinecones? AMOS (nods): Day be extra crunchy when ya leaves'm in duh sun! HANNAH (smiles): Amos, those aren't pinecones, they're boom microphones to record your voice! AMOS (confused): Den why day be up dere when Amos be down here? MISTY (smiles): Oh Uncle Amos! You have a lot to learn about the modern world! At this time, the 'Ragin' Cajun' (Gustov Blanc) and his producer walk over to the group! GUSTOV (smiles): So, you be duh famous Amos Doggie! And you be havin' such a lovely family! We gonna have a GOOD time today, I guarantee! AMOS (shakes hand): You be a fellow Cajun! Amos be happy to know dis! Dis be my wife Hannah, me niece Misty Maddog, her man Jazz and our good friend Catman! PRODUCER (nods): Pleased to meet all of you! I must tell you, Amos, that there's been a slight change in plans. AMOS (confused): Change in plan? PRODUCER (smiles): YES! You are quite a famous person... er dog.... er... whatever, so we are going to do this particular program live from coast to coast! AMOS (confused): Live? Amos be alive already! Dis not make sense! GUSTOV (laughs): You do havin' a sense of humor! It means, we be not tapin' duh show, you are gonna be makin' your crawdad bisque for a live TV and studio audience! PRODUCER (nods): It's 'sweeps week' and we've already heavily advertised this show with Amos! This will be our greatest program ever! HANNAH (thinking): I don't think that's such a good idea.... PRODUCER (smiles): Don't worry, dog lady, it'll work out fine! You and the others take your places in the audience, we need to go over a few things with your husband. The show will start in two hours, we want all of you in the front row so we can easily put you on camera! MISTY (excited): WOW!!! We're gonna be on TV too! JAZZ (happy): Another Road Rover first! CATMAN (smiles): I like it! HANNAH (looks at Amos): Ok Amos, do everything that they tell you. Don't be nervous, we're all proud of you! Hannah kisses Amos as she and the others go and take their seats. PRODUCER (fast talking): Ok, the first thing we have to do is change your wardrobe! AMOS (confused): Me what? PRODUCER (points): Your clothes! Bib overalls and a flannel shirt won't do .... AMOS (defensive): HEY! I like dees clothes! I change dem not! PRODUCER (sniffs): And ... WHOA! You smell like a dog! AMOS (laughing): I is a dog, do ye have fog between ya ears? PRODUCER (shakes head): That simply will not do! You'll have to take a bath before ... AMOS (furious): BATH!!! It be bad enough me woman make Amos take a bath every Satudray! Now YOU be telling Amos to take a bath NOW?? PRODUCER (looks at watch): We're running out of time (claps hands): Shaun, Dexter, take Amos downstairs and scrub him good! Find him a suit to wear, too! AMOS (sadly): Well, me woman say to do everything you tell me, so ok, I go wit ya! One hour later, Amos emerges from the basement wearing a three piece suit, he seems himself in the mirror and panics. AMOS (shocked): Dis be ME? Amos no can cook crawdad bisque wearin' Sunday go to meetin' clothes! PRODUCER (smiles): I think you look charming ... for a dog person! Now, we have our kitchen fully stocked with the latest in Cajun spices, look around, familiarize yourself with the layout. Since this will be a live show, we want to make sure you don't waste any time searching for items you need! Amos walks into the kitchen, it is much larger and has more things in it than his kitchen at home. He frantically begins to look inside all of the cupboards, cabinets and ovens. AMOS (looks around): Where be duh big pot? Amos need me big pot! Where be me crawdads? PRODUCER (smiles): We're having fresh crayfish... er.... crawdads delivered to the studio in a half hour. All of the pots and pans you will need are under the sink. AMOS (shakes head): Day be too small! Amos need big cookin kittle! PRODUCER (shakes head): This is all we have, you'll have to make do! (beeper goes off): I'm being paged, please excuse me! As Amos watches the producer leave, Gustov walks over to him. GUSTOV (smiles): Say! Dose be mighty good lookin' duds! AMOS (shakes head): Amos look like preacher man, not like a chef! GUSTOV (nods): It be all a part of our image! Today's show be a special! First, you be showin' duh world how to make your famous soup, den Miss Lillian LeClerk will be here to show us her exotic gator recipes and... AMOS (ears perk up): Hey, did you say... GATOR recipes? GUSTOV (nods): Dat's right on the button, Amos! We even be bringing her a live gator to fix, she be havin' it ready by the time we start our part of the program... AMOS (shocked): You mean.... y'all EATS gators? GUSTOV (smiles): Day be good eatin! Mighty fine meat, tastes like chicken, I guarantee! (looks over to the producer): excuse me, Amos, gotta chat with duh producer... AMOS (thinking to himself): Dees crazy humans EAT me gator friends! Wait, me have magic now... and old Amos gonna change dis script REAL good! It is now a few minutes to showtime, Amos and Gustov are on the stage in the kitchen, Misty, Jazz, Hannah and Catman are in the front row, anxious for the show to start. MISTY (jumping in her seat): This is GREAT!! UNCLE AMOS ON TV!!! HOORAY!! (waves); Hi Uncle Amos! JAZZ (giggles): Misty, calm down! This wll be a live show, try to control yourself! CATMAN (smiles): I can't blame her for being excited, it's not everyday one gets to see their uncle on live television! HANNAH (nods): You're right, Catman, I'm SO PROUD of my husband! (stands up and waves): HI HONEY!! I'M OVER HERE!!! CATMAN (looks at Jazz): I think it's hopless, Jazz! JAZZ (nods): I agree (laughs): I do agree with you! VOICE OVER PA SYSTEM (booming): And we're on in 5.....4......3......2.......1....... As the 'count' goes down to one, Amos waves his arms and instantly, his three piece suit becomes the bib overall and flannel shirt he'd worn before. The audience breaks out in thunderous applause as the 'Ragin' Cajun' is introduced, he walks over to Amos, begins to speak but then sees Amos's new 'attire'. GUSTOV (shocked): AMOS! Dis be not the clothes we give ya! AMOS (nods): Me like dees clothes (points); Lookie, deres me wife and friends (waves): HELLO DERE!!!! The camera pans over to where Hannah, Misty, Jazz and Catman are sitting, they all smile and wave, Misty starts jumping up and down again. Then the camera returns to viewing Amos and Justin again. GUSTOV (surprised) er... interestin'.... family you have dere... (smiles): Ok, now dee famous and Louisiana's own, Amos Doggie, will be showin us how to make his Cajun crayfish soup! AMOS (shakes head): I not be showin' ya dat! I wants to cook up some crawdad bisque! GUSTOV (laughing): Oh now! Amos be havin' a great sense of humor! Now, show us how you make it! AMOS (nods): Sure ting, Justin! First, Amos not be usin' a kitchen, make me best bisque outside, in a big pot under a roarin' fire! GUSTOV (shocked): Er... we don't have ... AMOS (nods): Amos fit dat! HANNAH (covers her eyes): Oh NO! I can't look! Amos waves his arms, the kitchen 'set' is immediately replaced with a swamp scene, with real trees and a few snakes hanging from them. Gustov sees all of this and nearly faints. Before them now is a black kettle filled with boiling water over a small campfire. The live audience, both amazed and excited, clap and cheer wildly. GUSTOV (in a state of shock): er..but....but... how..... MISTY (points): WOW!! Now the stage looks like your swamp, Aunt Hannah! HANNAH (scared): Oh NO! AMOS (smiles): Dis be how Amos fix his crawdad bisque! Brings your pot of water to boil, dump your crawdads in! (grabs the crate of fresh crayfish and dumps them in) Now, we be addin some seasonings! GUSTOV (scared): I'm almost afraid to ask.... AMOS (smiles): Here, I show ya! (pulls up handfulls of grass): I use fresh swamp grass! (throws it in) and one very special ting! Amos reaches over to the tree now in the midde of the set. Two snakes crawl down and hiss. Amos smiles and pets them, then rips off several large pieces of tree bark and moss and walks over to the pot and tosses them in. GUSTOV (total shock): You be usin' moss and bark in your soup? AMOS (stirs it with large wooden spoon); Dat be me secret! GUSTOV (points): But... I saw bugs crawling all over dat AMOS (laughs): Worry not, dee boilin water kills all dee bugs! When Amos says this, Gustov's face almost turns green. As he rushes off stage to the bathroom, the audience roars out in laughter. Now, Lillian LeClerk rushes unto the stage. LILLIAN (looks around): Where's my gator? It just disappeared an hour ago and I've looked all over this studio for .... AMOS (stirs soup): Amos free dat poor gator! She be in me swamp now! LILLIAN (furious): You stupid mutt! I was going to cook that gator! AMOS (growls): Dat be why I send her away! Gators be me friends! LILLIAN (furious): YOU HAD NO RIGHT! BAD DOG!!! BAD DOG!!!! AMOS (points): MEAN HUMAN!! MEAN HUMAN!!! LILLIAN (furious): You'll be hearing from my lawyer! AMOS (growls): Amos teach ye a lesson! HANNAH (shouts): NO AMOS!! DON'T DO IT!! Amos waves his arms, and turns Lillian into a alligator. AMOS (nods): Dere, now you see what it be like to be a gator! LILLIAN (shocked): What? What have you done to me? Hannah, Catman, Misty and Jazz now rush up to the stage. Hannah waves her arms and restores Lillian back to normal. The audience, believing that it's all a part of the show, give Amos a standing obvation. HANNAH (furious): AMOS DOGGIE!! YOU'VE RUINED THIS PROGRAM!!! MISTY (happy): I think you were great, Uncle Amos! JAZZ (giggles): It certainly was... interesting..... CATMAN (looks around): Where's Gustov? Gustov returns to the stage as the closing credits begin to roll on the screen. He is so angry, he can barely speak. GUSTOV (furious): YOU!.... YOU!..... JIST GIT OUT OF HERE, NOW!!! YOU CRAZY BUNCHA FURRY CRITTERS!! AMOS (confused): But you ask Amos how he fix his bisque, he show you and ... GUSTOV (shaking): GO NOW!!! SECURITY!!! TROW DEM ALL OUT!!! AND NOT BE COMING BACK!!!! As Amos, Hannah, Misty, Jazz and Catman are being escorted out of the building, his producer runs into the now empting studio. PRODUCER (happy): Gustov, the phone's been ringing off the hook! GUSTOV (angry): I can imagine.... dat crazy swamp dog ruined me show! PRODUCER (shakes head): No! He didn't! Everyone is calling in, they LOVED the show! GUSTOV (shocked): What? Dis be not true!!! PRODUCER (nods): LOOK! (hands Gustov a large stack of papers): Faxes and e-mails! Everyone loved the show! They thought Amos Doggie was sensational! GUSTOV (looks at papers): I can't believe me eyes! But what about Miss LeClerk? I hear she be suing us! PRODUCER (happy): I don't think so, Justin! Her phone's ringing off the hook too! At least a half dozen talk shows are trying to book her for an appearance! She called to THANK us and Amos! GUSTOV (reads more papers): All dees folks want Amos to do anutter show wit me! As Gustov is speaking, another assistant runs over to them, holding a long computer printout. ASSISTANT (happy): Look at this! The four major networks and CNN are featuring news footage from THIS show for their evening news broadcasts! And look at this list! These are orders for your cook books and videos! We can't handle all of the imcoming calls! GUSTOV (frantic): And I trew Amos and his family out of duh studio! We gotta git dem back for anutter show! Amos and the others are entering the van when Gustov and his producer rush out towards them, waving their arms. GUSTOV (shouting): STOP!!! DON'T GO!!!! PRODUCER (shouting): WE WANT A WORD WITH YOU, AMOS!! AMOS (growls): Amos have PLENTY words for ye! He not use dem in front of dees female folk! GUSTOV (shouting): WE WANT YOU TO COME BACK! AMOS (growls): You make Amos and his friends leave! You say mean tings! PRODUCER (calmly): And we apologize for that, Amos. You're a big hit! AMOS (growls): No, DIS be a BIG HIT!! Amos punches the producer in the jaw, sending him to the ground. AMOS (turns to Jazz): Amos just want to leave now, please take us home! JAZZ (nods): You got it, Amos. Amos and the others climb into the van and drive away. AMOS (looks at Hannah): Amos make everyting a mess.... you mad at me? HANNAH (smiles): Of course not, you did what you thought was right... although I think turning people into alligators is going a little too far... MISTY (laughs): I thought it was funny! JAZZ (driving): I'll have one interesting report for the Master to read! CATMAN (turns to Amos): Amos, do you realize you turned down fame and a lot of money when you left there? AMOS (smiles): I care not! All I be needin to be happy is me hammock, me woman, and me pot of crawdad bisque! HANNAH (smiles): Oh Amos, you never cease to amaze me! AMOS (nods): Me too! Everyone in the van laughs, Amos and Hannah share a long, passionate kiss -----------------------------------------------------------------------------